3 hours of concentration

(photos will be uploaded here soon, they're on fb btw)

I had a nice talk with steph in school today, then came the sudden determination to really study hard for the Reexam. I know people say its easy to pass it, but I'm doing all these and starting early just to prove to myself I can actually concentrate.


I wrote some stuff on my econs textbook cause
they were really important stuff & I don't want to forget them, EVER.


" I've made a mistake in the past. I always say 'I want to change, I MUST change', but deep down inside I'm actually thinking 'What If I don't? what if I can't?'. That thought must be the biggest obstacle for me, that's why the change never happened. That was a mistake because I wasn't sure of myself, and I didn't have the determination to make sure I'd REALLY change.

Now that I've realised my mistake;

I WILL concentrate from now on, force myself if I have to.
I WILL be disciplined enough to make up for my past mistakes.
I WILL change for the better and not live with regrets.


I'll improve bit by bit, starting slowly but surely. I won't ever say "what if..." or "but I can't!" ever again, because I WILL be able to concentrate, and I WILL be able to study during the holidays. This won't be like the past.

This isn't just any of those silly posts from the past where I only speak but don't act. In fact, I'm doing a pretty good job right now. Its my first step... yes!



So I'm studying for the Re exam right now. I'm not sure if I'll pass because I really haven't been touching maths at all the whole year, but I AM TRYING, and I know I'm not wasting time. Time won't be wasted even if I study hard and don't pass the Reexam for maths.

Because there is no such thing as time wasted. Everything happens for a reason. Every little thing you do will contribute to your present or future in one way or another.


Yes, I've made a mistakes in the past. Loads of mistakes in fact. But that only brought me further, it taught me other things in life. Even if I do get retained, it won't be a waste of time for I now know what my weaknesses are and I will find ways to improve.

That is why I WILL definitely change and there ain't gonna be any doubts about it. If I pass my Reexam, I'll most probably choose to be advanced because I know I MUST, and I will work hard during the holidays to catch up with my work.




Concentration wasn't my only problem

I used to not try my best because I was afraid of failing. That way, I could tell myself and others that I'm obviously capable of doing more and my failures come only because I haven't tried.

I guess I wasn't too sure of my capabilities and was very afraid of disappointing myself. I was afraid my work wouldn't be perfect even if I tried my best, and that should mean I'm stupid, have no talent and will never ever excel.

So I stopped trying. Ever since secondary 3 or something. Not trying my best was a really good excuse cause it allowed me to be lazy and not face any failures at the same time. Such a coward.

You see, even if I were to fail, it wouldn't seem like a failure because it wasn't my best and well... there's definitely room for improvement but that wouldn't mean I can't do anything. Funny, how should not trying my best NOT be the biggest failure?



That. That is a really stupid mentality. I don't know where that came from, this is the first time I've searched myself and discovered this.

What am I capable of? I really don't know because I stopped trying for many years. Seriously Emma, what on earth are you capable of?! Nothing? Something? Alot?"







.. that's where I stopped writing and did econs for almost 3 hours straight.

Hah, i just wanted to share my joy.

Its so distracting here, I ended up doing nothing after I reached home. Maybe i should get out of the house and study tomorrow.